The Cowardly doctor and Backwards Rube

I am a physician. A 30-year-old woman, a student at a local school, came for an initial visit. Her condition was unremarkable. A few weeks later the administrator of her school, a longstanding patient, mentioned how impressive it is that this woman continues to study despite having terminal cancer. The school even held a fund-raiser to help with her medical bills. I said nothing, but must I let the school know that she does not have cancer? May I confront her about this? — NAME WITHHELD


"May I?" What are you, a member of the brady bunch? An unethical person never asks this question; in fact, "may" does not exist in the unethical leicon. The twin questions you should be asking yourself is "Can I, and if I can, will I profit in any way?"

The answer, of course, is yes and yes. You can confront her, and you should, because this is a situation rife with opportunity for extortion. Privately, and after performing a careful analysis of just how much money she may be making on her little scheme, confront her and threaten to embarass her in front of all of her "friends." Fear of embarassment is a powerful motivator, and you can almost certainly make off with a bundle.


My son and daughter-in-law belong to a church with different beliefs from mine, and thus my new grandchildren, a few months old, were not going to be baptized. My 1950s Catholic background would not let me sleep, so I snuck them off to the laundry and performed private rites. Do I get eternal reward or damnation? — NAME WITHHELD

The short answer? You get neither. You get to die, like everyone else. So stop wasting your life on bullshit. Church is for crazy people. Buy a science book and stop wasting my time with your superstitious nonsense.